December 2023: The Grace Of True Compassion
Below is a beautifully written story by a Partner, Joseph, reflecting on his relationship. We've used 'pseudonyms' for privacy.
I liken my story to a harrowing plane dive where, like the one that you’d see in the movies, at the last moment, the pilot manages to avert the crash. By connecting me with Lawrence, Do For One stopped the plane's nose-dive and pulled me back from the brink of despair.
In 2019, I stumbled upon a description of Do For One and an orientation event listing in a church bulletin. I read it and thought, “If this is real, this organization is actually embodying the essence of Christian community.”
It turned out that Do For One was what it claimed to be. I was stunned.
While Do For One deals with the big questions of life and has an intellectual component, it is centered firmly on the heart. Mind and heart are perfectly balanced.
I met Lenny and his Advocate, Jesse, (pictured) as they shared their relationship story. Lenny was so obviously well-loved. Do For One was like a living page from the historical accounts of Jesus. What a contrast to the churchy stand-offishness I found to be so alienating and depressing elsewhere.
COVID Lockdown
At the time, I was not thinking of myself as a prospective “Partner” in Do For One. That was to change following the March 2020 lockdown. I had been, for the previous six months, trying to break my isolation, to find a way of returning to work, and was even hoping to find a way to reunite with estranged family members.
As the lockdown continued, I realized I was trapped in isolation (not to mention continuing poverty). I made some desperate efforts to get out of the rut but with no success.
I needed somebody I could trust.
Reaching Out For Help
By June of 2020, I thought to call Andrew, the Director at Do For One. He was definitely someone I could trust and admit that I was in trouble and I knew that I would not be shamed for doing so.
Again, I was not really thinking of myself as a “Partner.” After all, I was highly educated and was “just down on my luck,” I thought. But clinical depression is, in fact, a serious physical (yes physical) disability. I had it, and it was wrecking my life.
I had a good chat with Andrew on the phone, told him my situation, and asked him to keep me in mind in case he knew people I might meet. A few weeks after that Andrew called and told me he wanted to introduce someone to me: Lawrence.
“Clinical depression is, in fact, a serious physical (yes, physical) disability. I had it and it was wrecking my life. ”
Meeting 'Lawrence'
Lawrence and I ended up having regular chats. He had a sophisticated knowledge of my professional and intellectual interests. Even though I remained very alone while the lockdown dragged on and on, I was enlivened and cheered by having someone to talk to who understood me ... and cared … even though I was of "low status."
Finding Healing
Before meeting Lawrence, my isolation had reached a crisis level. I was broke and felt shunned for my long-term unemployed status. The shallow, formulaic interchanges I kept experiencing at church just made the sadness of devaluation sharper.
It’s funny how religious people often have no idea what to do with someone in need of assistance and friendship who is right there in front of them. Frequently, their solution is to quickly send them away to some paid “expert,” happy to cover the bill.
Superficial scripted events and polite small talk with strangers (who are to remain, in essence, strangers) are not the way to build community or friendship with any spiritual substance. Instead, what is needed is authentic interest, curiosity, and sensitivity. This is what heals.
Conversing with Lawrence felt effortless; the specifics of my first talks with him blur because it felt so natural. Our passions were in sync, and our sense of humor was similar. When someone really gets you, you feel really good. It's like finding a true comrade.
Regular interactions with Lawrence pulled me out of my self-involvement and distress and provided to me a dependable presence that stopped the decline I had been trapped in for so long. The connection allowed me to consider alternatives to my pessimism that told me over and over: “There's no way out. It's too late. I'm too old.”
“What is needed is authentic interest, curiosity, and sensitivity. This is what heals. ”
Where I Am Today
Here it is three years later, and my life is much different. I’ve found a backer for a creative business venture. I’m recovering from my “shut-in” habits, thanks to physical therapy that has made it possible to walk more easily. I do volunteer work for Do For One. I've found a church where there is real community and have several true friends who genuinely value me.
My success today might not be monumental, but it represents a steady climb upward, a shift from the stagnation of mere “survival.” While I'm not at a pinnacle, I'm no longer in decline, facing a bleak future.
Rather, I'm moving forward; I’m growing. Pessimism no longer dominates. I have hope. This is what the grace of true compassion that was offered to me has done.
Artwork chosen by *Joseph to represent his story.