The Higher Law of Love

This year marks the 30th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) which prohibits discrimination based on a person’s disability in areas including employment, transportation, and public accommodations. After signing the Act, President George Bush boldly declared that finally, “Every man, woman, and child with a disability can now pass through once-closed doors into a bright new era of equality, independence, and freedom.”  

So why is it that 80% of NYC public school buildings remain inaccessible today?

And why were only 19% of adults with disabilities employed last year? 

The current reality is even more dire, as many people with disabilities lost their jobs due to COVID-19. I could go on. 

But perhaps most tragically – why is it that the great majority of non-disabled adults still do not have a genuine friendship with even one person with a developmental disability? 

When I ask adults with disabilities if they have ever had a genuine friend who was not paid to spend time with them, the question is met all too often with a long silence, followed by, “No…I can’t think of anyone.” 

Necessary laws have been passed and can serve as a form of education and perhaps regulate (at least) some overt discriminatory behavior, but it is not the complete answer. Social isolation and joblessness is still the daily reality for many people with disabilities. Why is this the case?  

People with disabilities are socially devalued – looked upon as second class citizens – and therefore perceived to have less value than others. Because of this dark and dangerous belief, devalued people groups are at higher risk for being pushed towards the margins of society, neglected, and abused. 

30 years of the ADA being enforced has inched us slowly toward a desegregated society. But legalities alone are not enough to heal the deep wounds that fester within perpetrators and survivors of social devaluation. 

“Before thinking about ramps and elevators,” Do For One leader and wheelchair user Ben Thariath says, “I think just an openness to invite a person with a disability somewhere speaks accessibility in greater volumes than having a ramp or an elevator legally somewhere just for the sake of it. You know, because we can have a ramp or an elevator, but if no one uses it, then there’s really no point.”

Non-disabled people (those from valued parts of society) must choose to face and unlearn deeply held fears, prejudice, pride, and misconceptions which keep us from fully knowing and treasuring people with disabilities – people who are essential to the flourishing of the human race. 

Put into biblical terms, “When one part suffers, every part suffers with it.” 1 Corinthians 12:26. 

In his sermon titled On Being a Good Neighbor, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. spoke about the distinction between enforceable and unenforceable obligations. While enforceable laws can dismantle legal barriers and bring people together physically through ramps and elevators, it is the unenforceable acts of neighborly love that transform lives at the deepest, most human level.

The Civil Rights Act of 1964 legally ended racial segregation in public places including swimming pools. But individuals like Fred Rogers knew that it would take much more than a law to change white people’s attitudes and privately held perceptions towards people of color. In 1969, Mr. Rogers aired an episode on his television show, where he and his black friend, Officer Clemmons, cooled their feet in the same small wading pool. 

Through this scene, the two men modeled an unenforceable act of true neighborly love, inspiring a higher level of personal and social transformation that no law alone could bring about.  

Love and friendship cease to hold true meaning the moment they are enforced through law, payment, or some forced expectation. We all know this. Yet, relationships secured through payment and obligatory roles are the daily reality over a lifetime for most people with disabilities. 

This is why Do For One exists. We invite people (‘advocates’) to enter into a person’s life and to respond to their needs and interests through an unpaid and mutually beneficial relationship. Advocates do not log volunteer hours or sign a contract with an end date. Rather, advocates and partners grow to mutually understand and treasure each other’s presence.

Do For One advocates lean into this higher law of love through their personal concern, and unalloyed compassion. True neighborly love is unenforceable, and it can take on ten thousand different forms, depending on the partner’s interests and unique situations.

What does it look like in practice? 

Two men in our community who were matched in friendship during the pandemic have been having regular phone conversations around similar interests. “My depression has completely lifted since talking with him,” the partner shared. The power of a friend sharing the gift of time cannot be overlooked.

A match made between two families at the start of quarantine led to beams of hope gleaming into the partner’s life. “She has been an absolutely lifesaver,” the partner shared, in reference to her advocate’s support with practical needs like getting groceries and prescriptions filled.

One advocate found creative ways to increase communication with her partner by supporting her to get a smartphone. They practice calling and texting each other, and go on socially distanced walks outdoors. As the partner grieved over how COVID-19 has changed life rhythms, she took a moment to reflect on what has remained a constant. “A good friend makes you feel like family. You don’t need a fancy party or great food when you’re with a friend who enjoys your company.” 

Two friends who initially bonded over a mutual love for music could not be stopped by the pandemic from meeting for regular music mentoring sessions. They simply moved their sessions onto Zoom. “We not only have virtual music mentoring sessions, but also talk about things that friends talk about,” the partner shared at one of our virtual community gatherings. 

The 30th anniversary of the ADA is noteworthy and ought to be celebrated. However, it is crucial that we view the man-made law not as a case-closed victory, but as a widened entryway into the higher law of love. True personal and societal transformation will only unfold when unenforceable acts of love are carried out through the lives of hope-filled creative individuals and communities.